If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
