So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
