It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
