My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
