some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
