Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
