I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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