Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
