is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
