worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
