I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Loading more great texts...