On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
