I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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