Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
