i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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