His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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