HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am one with the molecules
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
