The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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