If that was your dad, he is hot
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
