Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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