i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
