I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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