Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
