I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
