I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
