when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
