Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
