I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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