I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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