There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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