Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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