I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
