best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
