he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
