Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
