you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
