I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
