shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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