these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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