i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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