So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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