I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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