Betty ford says i'm here all night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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