do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
