i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
