I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
