So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
