i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
