he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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