I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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