Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
