Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
