bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
