Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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