I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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