i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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