anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
