try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
