thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
