Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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