you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
