You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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