I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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