I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
