I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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