I showed him my bush... on skype.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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