apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
