so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
