I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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Truth. Not only will we eat you out like there's no tomorrow, but we cook the best damn breakfasts.
The trick is to find a fatty, help them lose weight, and keep the good times rolling. They usually don't lose their skills with the pounds. Scientifically proven.
Lowered expectations, you'll be a match soon enough.