Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
