Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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